So you thought you left middle school? you obviously were mistaken.

I woke the next morning hoping to find a text from Jason waiting for me on my phone. My heart leapt momentarily when I saw that he responded… until I read what he wrote:

& completely disregard a prior commitment!?! :-)

I desperately tried calling Savannah, but she was still asleep from our marathon late night chat. So I called my friend Steve to try to figure out how to respond. Steve is one of my best guy friends and about the same age as Jason, so I thought he would be a good resource to guide me through this tricky situation.

After updating Steve on the situation, he decided that I should respond:

Another time then…. :-)

That was the best we could come up with spur of the moment while I was freaking out and using that high-pitched girl voice. (In my defense, it has been a LONG time since I flirted for-real… Innocent, I’m in a committed relationship but still like to flirt flirting does not count; there are no consequences with the latter type because no matter what, you’re still going home with the same person you arrived with.)

[btw- when chatting with Joey later that day, he pointed out that my response should have been: “Yes.” ahhh! hindsight.]

As soon as I sent the message, I knew had sent the wrong one. ACK! And there was no way to get it back- it was floating out there in cyberspace, torpedoing my chance to have my way with this hot, young seminarian. I hung up with Steve and waited for Jason’s response… the wait was torturous.

After I had been awake for a couple of agonizing hours, Savannah called. When I caught her up to date, she agreed that I sent the wrong reply. UGH. All we could do is wait to see how Jason replied. Luckily, Savannah is my sister from another womb, so passing hours in conversation is easy for us. She was so kind to distract me from my mental flagellation.

Finally Jason’s response came in:

Certainly :-)

UGH!!! What kind of answer is that??? Now we were both becoming anxious trying to figure out how to resolve this situation (and hopefully lure him to my layer so I could have my way with him but still be able to face him in the hallway at school.)

Both Savannah and I had our share of conquests when were young thangs on the prowl but somehow she always seemed so much more… worldly. Savannah had this inner sexual confidence that I never embodied. I was sexually confident, but it was in a much more playful nature; Savannah is sensual. Additionally, while I was off the market for 15 years, Savannah continued to explore different facets of her sensual and sexual self. For this reason, it seemed that the two of us should be able to pull off text flirting, right? We decided that the best play at this point was to lay it all out there- to confess my intentions and see if I can achieve my goal.

fyi-in case you missed it, I was attempting to flirt with you.

I hit send and said a prayer… and waited.

and waited.

and waited.

“Shit! Savannah!! He’s not replying!! Shit! Oh no!! What have I done??”

“Calm down. It’s ok. Yes, you admitted to attempting to flirt but there is nothing wrong with that. There is no need to panic- even with the messages you sent, you can still face him in the hallway.”

“But…. true, I don't want to place myself in a socially awkward situation… but I’m horny!”

“Ok, there is got to be something you can do…”

“Ok, ok… maybe I could IM him? Damn. He’s not online. Wait! Penelope is online!”

“Who’s Penelope??”

“Penelope is dating Jason’s roommate Mark. She’d be a good person to ask for advice, right?”

Savannah wisely cautioned, “are you sure you want to share this ‘secret’ crush with her? Is she trustworthy?”

“Well, I haven’t known her long but there is something about her that I clicked with right away. I’d say yes, I can trust her.”

Now this is where I totally and completely return to Middle School. Picture this: I am laying on my bed with my feet up the headboard, Savannah on my land line in one ear and Penelope on my cell phone attached to the other ear. The only thing missing from the picture is teenie-bopper posters on the wall. I saw myself begin to walk down this path; I heard my inner, wiser self scream, “No!” But between my inner-child bouncing with glee and Savannah and Penelope (who were more than thrilled to live vicariously through me) giving me a friendly shove, there was no turning away from middle school.

They warn you to not drink and text

word of advice:

never text late at night, whether or not you have been drinking. In fact, it seems that horniness might get one into way more trouble than alcohol ever did.

Thursday nights I participate in a fellowship group which meets in the same apartment complex as the young man who is the object of my affection. At the end of our meeting, it took all my might to get in my car and not barge through his door, climb into his bed and have my way with him. Instead I met up with some friends at Trivia Night and then went home.

Savannah called as I walked in the door, so I confessed my struggle to overcome my primal urges. As the conversation progressed, we came up with the brilliant idea to flirt via text message. It took us thirty minutes to craft the perfect message. I thought I was so clever and alluring.

Hey. Was just thinking- you should blow off the party tomorrow and hang with me. :)

I sent the message, secretly hoping that he would respond immediately but knowing that I would most likely have to wait until the next day. Savannah was very kind to distract me with fabulous girl talk until the wee hours of the morning.

the second change in phases

my acupuncturist advised me today that I should be having sex regularly- that it is good for my constitution. (now to find a willing partner.)

Also, it occurred to me that I have officially passed into the 'thinking about dating" stage. I hope to pass into the "actually dating" stage eventually.

I dub thee Cougar Smurf

Me:

I realized this morning that I am WAY behind in my reading for the week (how did that happen??) so boy chasing and/ or catching has been called off temporarily. I am sure that I will still 'see' Jason, as we have many mutual friends, but I don't have time to bring him back to my lair and have my way with him- Maybe next week.

I do need to share Joey’s new nickname for me though: Cougar Smurf. :)

This is what happens when you allow a chemical engineer to give you relationship advice:

Savannah:

I chatted with Joey today and he enlightened me on the one half + 7 rule...that's a good one. Glad you eek in under the rule with this guy! (and how funny/not funny would it be if he knew 6 of your girlfriends and at least one guy friend were helping you plot your every move in relation to him!!! :) love it.

Me:

Joey says the formula doesn't work for girls to boys, only boys to girls... he's working on one for females... in the meantime, I'll stick with the 15 yr rule. (btw- I just did the math for Joey’s rule, and Jason wouldn't make the cut... doh. so we will stick to the 15 year rule.)

And if Jason can't handle me seeking wise counsel, then he can't handle me. ♥

Savannah:

Well I was thinking the same thing...that he will probably think its cute, IF he were to find out, because its SO "you"!

Miriam:

You do mean Joey the human, not Joe Joe the dog? :) ;) [my dog is named after Joey]

Me:

ok... if I start taking advice from a dog, we have too many problems to list. ;-)

Let the Games Begin

Husband advised: check

So let the boy chasing begin!

But I have to say that my resolve is waning... the celibacy thing is looking tempting again... but that will probably change back again in a moment.

Nonetheless, I shaved my legs and tried to find time in my rigorous academic schedule to “bump” into Jason. When that wasn’t successful, I invited everyone over to my place for Game Night at my place.

Before the guests arrived, I took a moment to shoot off a note to my wise council.

update, as promised:

Game night at my place tonight. I believe he is coming.

Just got off the phone with Joey and here is what he said:

            Joey: So you will be jumping him tonight?

            Me: no! I will not.

            Joey: So, you will be playing games with him tonight?

            Me: Yes! I will be playing Games with him tonight. (::wink, wink::)

            Joey: Ok, your goal for tonight is to set a time where it will be just you and he alone.

            Me: NO!!! that scares me.

            Joey: yes, that is your goal. I just set it.

            Me: You can't set goals for me!

            Joey: too bad, I just did.

So I am off to shower. I will report when I have something to report. ♥

 ----------------------------------------------------

Upon the conclusion of the evening I shot off another update:

Me:

I failed on Joey’s goal (which I am fine with.) But there was some quality flirting occurring.

Savannah:

Good...forget Joey's advice, your task is to honor yourself and take it as it comes! :)

Me:

hehe. yes. but the conversation was hilarious, I guess you had to be there. It's all good. I think of all the stages of 'love' this is my favorite: the flirting, pheromones flying, uncertainty, the twitterpation... I'm going to savor it. :)

Savannah:

Mine too! Yummy anticipation!! :)

Me:

exactly!

Full Disclosure

Technically I am still married to my husband. Because of the Post Lyme Syndrome I would be denied health insurance due to a pre-existing condition, a very expensive pre-existing condition. Lyme disease affects so many facets of my health, any health problem I have in the future could potentially be linked back to the Lyme’s and coverage would be denied. Luckily, my husband owns his own business and has excellent health insurance. And while he is a dumbass who makes bad decisions, he is not a bad guy; in fact, I would say he is quite honorable. In addition to remaining married to me so that I can have health insurance, he helped me move down to Atlanta. For this reason, I felt that I should advise him of my plans to potentially date. This is our conversation:

Me:

Hey. ….. I just wanted to let you know something directly from me before you heard it from the rumor mill. Um, I was thinking of maybe dating.

Husband:

Ok.

silence

Me:

So…. um…. any words of advice?

Husband:

Look both ways before crossing the street.

and that was my conversation with my husband about me potentially dating. true story.

The Wise Council responds.

the responses of love and support came pouring in:

Miriam replied:
Haha... So, my "are you getting your Cougar on" question was not soooooo far off the mark (joking, joking, you can't throw anything at me over the Internet!). Well, as the daughter of a mother who is older than her husband, and the granddaughter of a grandmother who was older than her husband, I say, go for it. Just be careful. But have fun!

Savannah replied:
Go for it!! That's my 2cents...just don't do anything stupid. (like marry him-aHem) I mean, OK, if after like 7 years you guys are soo happy and he is all that...then hey, fine, marry him.

Me:
You do realize that 7 years is longer than either of my marriages?

Gabriella:
Oh LaLa, go for it! Have fun and I promise if you even start to think or talk about marriage to come down to Georgia and kidnap you until you come to your senses! Be upfront and honest (like you could be any other way) and just have fun!!! Sending lots of good juju your way! I hope that you get those stirring feelings stirred! xoxo

Lillian:
There is nothing wrong at all about deepening your friendship with him. Friendships are based on honesty and communication :)

Me:
haha! "deepening" ::snicker::

Lillian:
you are SUCH a dork *grin*

Michelle:
Have fun sweetie! and I agree with Miriam, just be careful (ie: dont get pregnant) don't mean to be a wet blanket ;). I LOVE U, be true to yourself and enjoy. I am so thrilled for you to have those stirring feelings. ;).

Miriam:
You do realize we'll now want "reports from the field" :).

Michelle:
Yes, ditto that. :)

Me:
haha! you all are a bunch of dirty old ladies!!


And this would be the motivation behind this blog.