Friday, April 30, 2010

So you thought you left middle school? you obviously were mistaken.

I woke the next morning hoping to find a text from Jason waiting for me on my phone. My heart leapt momentarily when I saw that he responded… until I read what he wrote:
& completely disregard a prior commitment!?! :-)

I desperately tried calling Savannah, but she was still asleep from our marathon late night chat. So I called my friend Steve to try to figure out how to respond. Steve is one of my best guy friends and about the same age as Jason, so I thought he would be a good resource to guide me through this tricky situation.

After updating Steve on the situation, he decided that I should respond:

Another time then…. :-)

That was the best we could come up with spur of the moment while I was freaking out and using that high-pitched girl voice. (In my defense, it has been a LONG time since I flirted for-real… Innocent, I’m in a committed relationship but still like to flirt flirting does not count; there are no consequences with the latter type because no matter what, you’re still going home with the same person you arrived with.)

[btw- when chatting with Joey later that day, he pointed out that my response should have been: “Yes.” ahhh! hindsight.]

As soon as I sent the message, I knew had sent the wrong one. ACK! And there was no way to get it back- it was floating out there in cyberspace, torpedoing my chance to have my way with this hot, young seminarian. I hung up with Steve and waited for Jason’s response… the wait was torturous.

After I had been awake for a couple of agonizing hours, Savannah called. When I caught her up to date, she agreed that I sent the wrong reply. UGH. All we could do is wait to see how Jason replied. Luckily, Savannah is my sister from another womb, so passing hours in conversation is easy for us. She was so kind to distract me from my mental flagellation.

Finally Jason’s response came in:
Certainly :-)

UGH!!! What kind of answer is that??? Now we were both becoming anxious trying to figure out how to resolve this situation (and hopefully lure him to my layer so I could have my way with him but still be able to face him in the hallway at school.)

Both Savannah and I had our share of conquests when were young thangs on the prowl but somehow she always seemed so much more… worldly. Savannah had this inner sexual confidence that I never embodied. I was sexually confident, but it was in a much more playful nature; Savannah is sensual. Additionally, while I was off the market for 15 years, Savannah continued to explore different facets of her sensual and sexual self. For this reason, it seemed that the two of us should be able to pull off text flirting, right? We decided that the best play at this point was to lay it all out there- to confess my intentions and see if I can achieve my goal.

fyi-in case you missed it, I was attempting to flirt with you.
I hit send and said a prayer… and waited.

and waited.
and waited.

“Shit! Savannah!! He’s not replying!! Shit! Oh no!! What have I done??”

“Calm down. It’s ok. Yes, you admitted to attempting to flirt but there is nothing wrong with that. There is no need to panic- even with the messages you sent, you can still face him in the hallway.”

“But…. true, I don't want to place myself in a socially awkward situation… but I’m horny!”

“Ok, there is got to be something you can do…”

“Ok, ok… maybe I could IM him? Damn. He’s not online. Wait! Penelope is online!”

“Who’s Penelope??”

“Penelope is dating Jason’s roommate Mark. She’d be a good person to ask for advice, right?”

Savannah wisely cautioned, “are you sure you want to share this ‘secret’ crush with her? Is she trustworthy?”

“Well, I haven’t known her long but there is something about her that I clicked with right away. I’d say yes, I can trust her.”

Now this is where I totally and completely return to Middle School. Picture this: I am laying on my bed with my feet up the headboard, Savannah on my land line in one ear and Penelope on my cell phone attached to the other ear. The only thing missing from the picture is teenie-bopper posters on the wall. I saw myself begin to walk down this path; I heard my inner, wiser self scream, “No!” But between my inner-child bouncing with glee and Savannah and Penelope (who were more than thrilled to live vicariously through me) giving me a friendly shove, there was no turning away from middle school.

No comments:

Post a Comment